Friday, November 20, 2015

Deadly Submission - Why Guys Like Biblical Gender Roles Matter & the Damage They Cause

We've followed Biblical Gender Roles for about six months now. Gasping in shock at some newer more outrageous statement of his, laughed at some of the things coming out of mouth like that disastrous Alan Combs interview he did. But one thing we have not done here at NLQ is realize how his contemptuous words against women in marriage could have serious influence on unhappy husbands and possibly lead to tragic circumstances, possibly even murder.

There's a developing case happening right now in Indianapolis right now that seems to be almost a direct result of the type of dangerous marriage and sex advice pushed by BGR and others on the fringes of the Evangelical Quiverfull movement. It's not as obvious a leap of logic and linking as Michael Pearl's influence on the parents of Hana Grace Williams and Zariah Shatz, oh no, it's more subtle. But it is a creeping thought process that could possibly lead to crimes such as the murder of pastor's wife Amanda Blackburn. 

Someone gained entry to the Blackburn home and shot 12 weeks pregnant Amanda in the face at extremely close range. At this point the police are looking for a stranger that broke into the home, even if there are no signs of forced entry, and executed the young mother. Tragic story, but one that plays out every single day somewhere in America. Wrong place, wrong time, and some innocent ends up dead.

What links this to the world view of Biblical Gender Roles and other male cultural enforcers who insist upon sex on demand and the complete groveling submission of their women are the whispers emerging from those that knew Amanda and her husband Davey. Davey Blackburn's own words, language patterns of deception and rumors leads some to think he was involved in the murder of his wife. Here's some of the suspicious things from his statements.
 I take this language from Blackburn, himself, who mentioned starting the work with "$100,000 of start up cash" and his wife's complaint that he was always at "work" beginning right after the honeymoon, which, from her perspective, led to the bad marriage.  From his perspective, it was not "work" that made the marriage bad, but pregnancy and his wife's inability or unwillingness to meet his sexual needs.  This, too, was her fault because he "articulated" his need, as he condemned other men for blaming their wives when they had not, in fact, "articulated" the need, leaving the wife to "guess" what was wrong.
Reading through the blogs and news stories there are aspects of the murder of Amanda Blackburn that seem too familiar, that have a great deal in common with both sets of Peterson murders, both the murder of Lacey Peterson and the murders of multiple wives of Drew Peterson. Both of these men claimed to have no knowledge of their wives whereabouts only to be found out later to be liars, to be the ones that murdered their spouses. Both men were making the major media rounds with repeated denials, just like Davey Blackburn is doing right now.

So neither of the Peterson killers were religious, like Davey Blackburn is. But if you are constantly absorbing messages such as 'Don't respect women,' 'Wives submit always in all things,' and 'You owe me sex' constantly churned out on websites like BGR (his recent posting 'How Doing LESS For Your Wife Can Make Your Marriage Better) and other good 'patriarchs' online like Deep Strength (posting "Why I Don't Respect Women") is it really that far a jump to murdering your wife because you don't feel like you are getting the sex and respect you demand in your marriage?

I don't know that Davey Blackburn murdered his wife Amanda, or if he's ever stumbled across the writings of BGR, but it would not surprise me if it comes out that both of those are exposed as the truth eventually. I do know that when men are constantly encouraged to view women as inhuman objects instead of fully developed human beings it's much easier to kill them.  Currently Blackburn is not a suspect due to footage of a strange man in a hoodie caught on security footage of the house. We will be watching this investigation, just like we've been watching BGR as he shouts out his advice to rape your wive and compel her submission by taking things away from her It's abuse, pure and simple.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Why Michelle Duggar Is Wrong About Jim Bob Duggar's Parenting Skills

Yesterday being Father's Day it wasn't too surprising to see that Michelle Duggar had written and posted something she'd written on the subject of fatherhood. She gave five reasons she thought Jim Bob was a virtuous paragon of fatherhood.

While expected it was a thinly-veiled attempt to white wash Jim Bob's role in the recent family scandal. An attempt to pretend things are back to normal while sweeping the fact that Josh Duggar molested his sisters and the babysitter not just under the rug but through the floorboards and under the basement. A cynical grab to continue their TLC show.

Let's examine Michelle's posted five reasons:

 ...and desiring to become the best dad that he can be!
 When he lacks wisdom in what to do, he goes to the best Father for advice, our Heavenly Father.

Keep in mind that Jim Bob Duggar's idea of 'wisdom' and 'teaching' are those awful Bill Gothard produced ATI Wisdom Booklets. The Duggar household is one in which so many things that a person might learn from are heavily restricted or banned. Things such as magazines, books (even classic literature taught in many schools), internet, movies and television. That's not even considering allowing the children to go out and be around others not in their cult. All 'learning' takes place under the command of King Daddy.
Being raised in such a restrictive environment does do any of those kids intellect much good.

 ...and he makes preparation for their future.
 1 Timothy 5:8
 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
 He has worked many jobs, some simultaneously, just to make ends meet!

This might have been true back in the days before Jim Bob and family weren't featured on reality television. When they first appeared on television the entire family was crammed into a three bedroom rental home. Jim Bob had his used car lot, tow truck and rental properties at the time as well as his real estate license. But now... not so much. Reality television filming doesn't really count as 'working hard' as he once did.

3. HE LOVES HIS CHILDREN BY RESTRAINING THEIR SINFUL BEHAVIOR teaching them that true freedom is doing what is right before God regardless of what others, or even their own flesh may want to do!
He has taught his children that freedom is not the right to do what you want but the power to do what you ought.
He does not ignore offenses, nor does he eliminate the penalty or consequence for their offenses.

This is a pretty blatant lie to put out there considering we've all seen that Jim Bob hid the criminal behavior of his eldest son Josh just long enough to allow the statute of limitations to run out. He did eliminate both the legal penalty and consequences for Josh.

4. HE LOVES HIS CHILDREN BY BEING THEIR SPIRITUAL SERVANT/LEADER he leads them by his example, knowing that his personal relationship with God is his greatest priority in life.
He believes that each of his children are a gift, given to him, from God, and he treats them with respect.
As they walk through good and bad days they know that their Dad finds great joy in them and it is an honor for him to help and encourage them.

So treating his children with respect is what caused Jim Bob to sacrifice his daughters, the victims of his son Josh Duggar, during his televised interview with Fox New's Megyn Kelly? He and his wife are the ones that named two of the victims to the press and then had both young women go before the press and minimize what had happened to them. How is this respectful?

 Even after a long days work, he plays with his kids!
 He laughs and cuts up with them. He loves spending time with his kids riding bikes, playing broom ball, camping, traveling, or doing something that is of interest to each of them, individually.
 When some of our daughters wanted to obtain medical skills, Dad encouraged them to follow their dream. They enrolled in a first responders course, obtained the certification and have served on our local volunteer fire department and have gone on to gain midwifery and doula training.

While Jim Bob may play with his children he has never allowed any of them to receive any legitimate schooling in the subjects listed above. Locally obtained training with or without certification that was attended by a few of his children as a group. There's no one on one training, or going out for legitimate education alone. His control of the leash is still tight, while he pretends they have complete freedom in education.
This is in no way an exhaustive list of all the things that are disingenuous Michelle Duggar said in her blog posting. What did you think about what she said?

Monday, April 27, 2015

A True Vacation

As many of you know my husband and I recently took a vacation to the central American country of Costa Rica, with an eye for possibly retiring there next year. It was a wonderful vacation and I very quickly fell deeply in love with the place.

But the most surprising thing of all was that there were no Evangelicals that I could find. No one approached me once about the Good News, no one made the show of publicly praying, no one tried to frighten or shame the local populace into accepting Jesus. There were only Catholic churches scattered hither and yon. In fact, the closest I saw to the whole "Let's Save The WORLD!" thing that Evangelical Christians love to do and do so insistently in the USA was that as I was driving through the town of San Ramon I spied two Mormon missionaries walking down the main drag.

Which makes me wonder why that is? I did see a lot of America exported to Costa Rica, between the huge Wal Mart near the airport in San Jose and the many American fast food places, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King, KFC and Popeyes, scattered through various towns. If the crappiest things about America have been exported then why on earth are the Evangelicals missing?

Friday, February 27, 2015

Run, Rabbit, Run

Earlier this week I've had the opportunity to post in parts one of the most horrific pieces ever written by Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries and author of 'Created To Be A Help Meet' at NLQ. She has written about her early marriage to Michael Pearl and his 'obsession' (translation for normal folks 'hobby') of spending every winter Saturday hunting down those wascally wabbits.

It wasn't the fact that Michael likes to hunt or his spending of funds during a tight family economy that makes this piece stand out to me as awful, nor his typically arrogant behavior of bringing dead rabbits that had not been field dressed or cleaned home to Debi for her to clean while he socked in the tub. The scary part of this mess, scarier than the thought of having to dress out long dead stinking bunny corpses, is that Debi labels a man's hobbies as 'obsessions' with the double whammy of insisting you, the poor little woman, have to accept his hobbies and be cheerful about them.

What. The. Fudge!?

This is one of those rare times when I have to take Michael Pearl's side.
Hobbies, or what Debi calls 'obsessions', aren't necessarily bad. People working hard long hours need some sort of outlet, be it creative or not, as a way to deal with the pressure of their lives and their jobs. How better to accomplish relaxation than with something you have a passion for.

While it's probably inconsiderate for Mr. Pearl to take their one car every winter Saturday to go out and hunt, was it really so bad? He did bring the meat of the rabbits home and do something completely divorced from his work that satisfied some great need within him that did not involve hurting another person.

My husband has his 'obsessions' as I do have mine as well. He does the fantasy sports thing and rides his motorcycle while I quilt and paint in oils for mine. I would never consider asking Jim to ever give up either one. He has a long daily commute, works hard to support our family without complaint. Whatever he needs to do to relax from that is a-okay with me. It's not an obsession, it's a stress relief, a coping mechanism. We both know better than to try and take away a hobby from the other because life is so much sweeter when you have an outlet like that. It is a fact that all people need something of 'play' in their lives to stay mentally healthy.

The sad and silly thing about Debi's complaints, anger, attempts to manipulate him with sweetness, attempts to get Michael to give up his 'obsession' is that she completely misses what the 'answer' in all of this could have been for her. She could have picked up a hobby or interest to pursue whenever her husband decided he needed to stomp through the frozen woods hunting rabbits. Later she sort of comes to that conclusion in her article, talking about getting a set of materials at a garage sale on running a business and how that knowledge helped when setting up their No Greater Joy ministry. How studying and learning was her answer for dealing with the times she was left behind by Michael's 'obsessions'. But she doesn't come to that conclusion before warning her readers that they should not be involved in their own 'obsessions' because their husbands will be coming home in the middle of what they are doing and they'll be too distracted to be proper attentive wives. I guess she thinks that studying is easier to put aside when Michael arrives with his rotten rabbit carcasses needing skinning and dressing out.

As for her claims that men are the only ones prone to obsessions, what a sweeping generalization that is! And no, it's not linked to sex, people of all ages, sexes, walks of life can develop a passion for an interest outside of their realm of life. It's healthy, it's normal.

What isn't healthy or normal is denying yourself anything outside of the tightly controlled sphere of home and husband.